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“Nanny, I Will Always Love You"

"A Letter A Week”s first featured writer is David Spearin.  David found our site and wanted to write a thoughtful letter to his grandmother, who passed away in July, 2008. 

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Hi Nanny,

I wasn’t sure how I wanted to go about this. This was one letter I hoped I would never have to write. If I am writing this, it means that heaven has taken you back.

I was going to devote this letter to telling you what a truly spectacular lady you were, but then I changed my mind.

To say that you were was a spectacular lady is not an accurate or fair statement. You ARE and will always be a spectacular lady. You are more a part of me now than ever before and I intend to celebrate you every day.

I thought of you the other day, Nanny.

Do you remember last March when I went to visit you in the hospital? I had taken some time off of work to be with you every day and our tradition had become to watch the Price is Right together while eating the pound of cookies I would bring for you. You were so funny! Every day you would say the same thing “Good lord, I can’t eat all of that! May be just break me off a little piece!” Well, needless to say, 64 little pieces later, you were covered in cookie crumbs before Bob Barker had kissed his first contestant.

Anyhow, the one particular day I was remembering was when I came early and you were watching something else. You were totally engrossed in the TV screen. I came in, went over and kissed you on the lips and you jumped because I had startled you.  You then put both hands on my cheeks and yelled “DAVID! I was just thinking about you!” I asked you what made me leap to mind. You said “I don’t mean to offend you but….” (you then looked to your left and looked to her right) “I am watching something that has gay people on it! The nurse tried to pretend she didn’t hear her but trust me, she was laughing!

I turned around to see what you could possibly be watching. It was Jerry Springer!

I said “Oh Nanny! You can’t watch this! This show is horrible…total trash!” You laughed and said “I have really been enjoying it…they are so animated!”

I changed the channel and made you promise two things. Number 1, to NEVER watch Jerry Springer again…And number 2, if you happen to come across it…think of anyone else in the world, BESIDES me! We shook on it and the pact was formed!

*Nanny, if there are TV’s up there…our deal is still valid!*

I paced around my house for 3 hours on July 15, 2008. I had not stopped crying since dad called with the news we all knew was coming. I kept trying to think of ways to properly honor your memory. How do you honor someone who is so truly one of a kind? Someone who is one of the best friends I will ever have in my life. I finally sat down, looked up and said out loud "How the hell do I honor your memory when I am not ready to say good bye to you?"

I then realized that I had answered my own question. The way to honor your memory is to never say good bye. Nanny, I promise that you will always own that one part of my heart that you captured the day I was born. I will cherish you for as long as I live and most importantly...I will never say good bye. It's not that you were important to me, it's that you ARE important to me. It's not that I did love you, it's that I will ALWAYS love you. It's not that you were my grandmother, it's that...for the rest of my life, you will be my grandmother, my friend, my absolute hero. I miss you so much. My heart is forever broken.

Rest in Peace. I love you more than you know and with all of my might.

Your grandson,
David

 

If you would like to comment on this letter, David can be reached at davidrspearin@yahoo.com.